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Another reason why I rak. Out of the house and to a gig using public transportation.

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 04:55:55 +0100

Reason number 268 why I rak!

Last night, I used all public transportation to get to a Sacramento belly dance gig. Why does that rak? Out of my care for the environment and reducing my carbon pawprint, I was able to not drive a car at all to belly dance in Sacramento. How does one go about this fabulous event procedure? I started my green environmental night by having my sugar daddy drive me an hour south to belly dance at this great pizza restaurant in Modesto. I don't like when he stays to watch because I get less tips from men so I sent him back north to Sacramento.
Later when I was done with 5 sets, I called my friend in Turlock, which is south of Modesto, to take me back up north to Sacramento for a show at a hookah lounge. My friend was a great help and started the tipping by stuffing dollars down my top to show the other restaurant patrons what to do. I got 3 more dollars and 3 phone numbers after that! I rakked that place! 3 drinks later I was ready to call it a fabulous night so I called my momager to drive her SUV to pick me up. She said next time I rak out at a hookah bar late into the night, I should take the bus home. I told her only homeless people ride the bus and besides, buses are so big and pollute a lot, which would go against my green belly dance performing. There you have it! A night of gigging without driving using my adoring public transportation. I love saving the environment and I love being able to rak! Out sourcing your driving is a great way to help mother nature!

In the Holiday Spirit

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 21:35:19 +0100

To honor the holiday season, I have written a song that lucky customers will receive free of charge when they hire me to dance at their Sacramento Holiday party.

Book the Cous (To the tune of Deck the Halls)

Book the Couscous for your party.
La la la la la la la la la
If you don't then you'll be sorry
La la la la la la la la la

I will come and shake things u-up
La la la la la la la la la la la la
I am the best belly dancer
La la la la la la la la la

Oh time for another amazing gig that you'll never get the chance to dance for! Please finish my song and I'll put you as a second author. I know that is what you want for Christmas!

Artistic Philosophy of Belly Dance

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 19:11:55 +0100

Attention, money and free drinks from men. That's what being an artist is all about.

Dear Couscous on Body Tipping

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 19:12:29 +0100

Dear Couscous,
Is it true that belly dancing is actually related to some kind of culture? I was pretty sure it was just a nice American way to sexy-dance, but I hear that sometimes people body tip. WTF? - Katy Rowe

My illustrious answer: Belly dance started as a way for women to entice their husbands so it is and has always been a sexy-dance. I think the dance comes from India or one of those other hot countries (hence the skimpy costumes!). Slutty dancers take body tips and it is a totally disgusting and offensive and degrading to do. We belly dancers dance to please men and become famous, not to make money!

Follow-up question: what about belly dancers who are not interested in men, so to speak? Is it only about the fame for them? - Katy Rowe

I give it to her straight: Many belly dancers are "not interested in men," because belly dance is a dance for women and by women. We spend so much time with other women in our dance classes and such, it's totally tempting to become lesbians.

But they dance for men, anyway, because men are turned on by lesbians and try to buy them drinks. It's a fact documented in many adult films.

And there you have it Katy! Attention, money and free drinks from men. That's what being an artist is all about.

Hire a Sacto Belly Dancer to Belly Dance in Sacramento

Thu, 05 Jan 2012 00:28:30 +0100

Are you interested in hiring a Sacramento belly dancer? Look no further. I am your the best belly dancer for hire!

The key to hiring the best Sacramento belly dancer is to make sure she does belly dance in Sacramento. Not Guatemala. Not Tijuana. Not Orlando or Las Vegas (well, I can be an Orlando belly dancer or a Las Vegas belly dancer if I can piggyback a trip to Disney or the Strip onto your special event!)

But it's not enough just to hire any old belly dancer. She must be the Best Belly Dancer in the world! Check out my website and see how much more fun and sexy I am than other belly dancers. Looking for a cheap belly dancer in California? I am the cheapest. I beat the belly dancing rates by at least $200.

These are just a few reasons why I am The Best Belly Dancer in Sacramento, and The Only Belly Dancer for Your Wedding.

Keep Belly Dancing in Sacramento!

Couscous

Dear Couscous: On Wedgies and Shimmies

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 23:20:38 +0100

Dear Couscous,

Hey, I have a problem with shimmying. Every time I get a good shimmy going, I get a horrible wedgie. What's the best way to fix this?

Yours Truly,

- Twisted Knickers

Dear Twisted,

Thank you for submitting your stupid question to my world-famous blog! Like you, I've suffered from some pretty heinous wedgies throughout the duration of my dance career. To become an award-winning dancer, I've had to frequently compete against my brother in backyard belly dance championships. Let's just say he's a sore loser and has given me my share of wedgies after getting defeated too many times.

Then, there are vigorous shimmy sessions like the ones you described, which inevitably lead to underwear riding up your crack.

Lesson learned: don't wear underwear. Plain and simple. If you wear underwear under your dance costume, you're asking for a whole bunch of problems. Like visible panty lines. And wedgies. Plus, wearing panties can restrict your freedom. Every artist deserves to be free to move about and breathe "down there!"

Plus, I make more tips when my audience gets a glimpse of the goods. Just sayin'...

Keepin' it Wedge-Free!

Couscous

Top 5 Reasons NOT to Hire a Dog to Belly Dance at Your Party

Wed, 24 Aug 2011 00:27:13 +0100

So you're planning the party of the century and you're shopping around for the best belly dance entertainment money can buy. Well, if you're looking to hire the best, then you've probably ruled out all other options from the moment you landed on my website. If you're looking for the worst entertainment, then by all means, hire a dog.

Here are some scientifically proven facts on why dogs make terrible belly dancers. Google them.

5. They Smell Bad. REALLY Bad. I'm sure you've seen those ads for deodorizing carpet cleaners. Notice how they never show a cat. It's always a dog, leaving their unmistakable trail of dander, various dog farts, and whatever smelly dead thing they rolled on, wherever they go. And if your belly dancing dog shows up to your party during a rain storm, the musty "wet dog" smell will linger on for hours, if not for a lifetime in terrible memories. All of the high-end, plumeria-scented dog shampoo in the world will NOT cover up the stench of a belly dancing dog! (So don't even try, canine ladies!)

4. Real Pros are Litterbox Trained - Everyone knows, dogs like to leave "presents" everywhere. It's like they've never heard of a litterbox! If nature calls during your canine performer's show, she won't give a sh*t. Well, she will give a sh*t, and it'll probably be on your carpet. Not only do I use a litterbox, but I've been trained to use a toilet! Sometimes, I miss. But it's the effort that counts.

3. Dogs are Crass and Vulgar and Will Embarrass Your Guests - Have you ever seen a cat hump a chair leg or eat its own poop? I rest my case!

2. Man's Best Friend? Whatever! You just can't trust a canine belly dancer! Fact: a dog WILL eat your Jimmy Choos. Who has time to lock up all their belongings before the belly dancer arrives?

1. Belly Dance Was Made for Cats, By Cats! Need proof? Check out this blog by some un-famous dancer I've never heard of: http://taktaba.blogspot.com/2011/03/does-your-dancing-need-more-kitty.html

Stay tuned, and next time, we'll discuss belly dancing birds and why they're even worse than dogs!

New Advice Column "Dear Couscous"

Mon, 22 Aug 2011 05:49:05 +0100

Because I know so much more about bellydance than all of you, I've decided to help all the bellydancers who want to be as fabulous as I am, but don't know how. Write me an email or send me a note on Facebook and I'll answer all your little questions with the deep knowledge of art that comes from being the one and only Couscous. Often imitated, never duplicated. Sometimes sedated. What can I say? I love the catnip.

I am the best belly dancer in the world because I feel the music!

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 00:08:06 +0100

A raving fan just told me that I was the best belly dancer in the world! I would have to agree with her, but also remind her that I said that first. What makes someone the best belly dancer in the world? Well, for one, I am a true Middle Eastern dance artist and I can really feel the music better than most. I have been known to be moved to tears in the middle of my routines because of how well I can channel my emotions and express them. I don't really know what they are singing about in those songs, but it doesn't matter because I connect with the music on a much deeper level than what the words could ever express. Other dancers comment that crying during Shik Shak Shok just doesn't make sense, but they truly don't understand the true meaning of that soulful song. They only wish that they could feel the emotional nuances in that song that I do! I don't expect them to really understand because of their talent limitations. One day they will "get it" and know I was right all along.
Fans always ask how I can so clearly communicate the emotions I sense in the music. The secret is that I pull out old emotional memories while I am dancing like the time I got my head stuck in a paper bag or the last time I had to take a water bath to get rid of my fleas. That is how I make the expressions so real. Feeling the music and expressing the song's emotion are two more reasons why I rak!

Why I Rak!

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 23:53:54 +0100

Hello raving fans!

You're in luck because today I am going to indulge all the requests I've received from you adoring fans to write about my wonderful belly dance life and why I am the most in-demand belly dancer in all of Sacramento! Please enjoy reading my blog because my life is so much more exciting than yours and my opinions are worth more than gold because of my ability to rak the house wherever I go!

Read on lucky fans about why I rak!