Dear Couscous,

Hey, I have a problem with shimmying. Every time I get a good shimmy going, I get a horrible wedgie. What's the best way to fix this?

Yours Truly,

- Twisted Knickers

Dear Twisted,

Thank you for submitting your stupid question to my world-famous blog! Like you, I've suffered from some pretty heinous wedgies throughout the duration of my dance career. To become an award-winning dancer, I've had to frequently compete against my brother in backyard belly dance championships. Let's just say he's a sore loser and has given me my share of wedgies after getting defeated too many times.

Then, there are vigorous shimmy sessions like the ones you described, which inevitably lead to underwear riding up your crack.

Lesson learned: don't wear underwear. Plain and simple. If you wear underwear under your dance costume, you're asking for a whole bunch of problems. Like visible panty lines. And wedgies. Plus, wearing panties can restrict your freedom. Every artist deserves to be free to move about and breathe "down there!"

Plus, I make more tips when my audience gets a glimpse of the goods. Just sayin'...

Keepin' it Wedge-Free!